The most common practice these days in spirituality is talking about how we have forgiven the person who hurt us or who misbehaved with us or who made us suffer. This makes one feel good about themselves and feel that they have done some kind of favor on the other person and their soul by forgiving them. But is this what true forgiveness is? And is this 2D picture of forgiveness serving us any better in any form?
Well, the truth is we are all souls who have birthed to learn our lessons and the people who come into our lives as perpetrators are here teaching us those lessons. And the fact remains, that within each one of us lies the energies of a victim as well as of the perpetrator. The 3D picture of forgiveness is that we are no one to forgive anyone. Firstly, because this invokes the ego that we are great souls doing a great job by forgiving people. Secondly, we are moving far away from totality. We need to accept whatever happened in our lives as it is. As Bert Hellinger says, until and unless we do not respect whatever happened, we cannot accept life as it is. Also, as per the laws of the family system, even the perpetrator is a part of the system. Hence, he/she too needs dignity and respect in the system. Each one of us need to feel the belongingness to the system with love and respect.
When we pretend to forgive someone, we are ourselves getting into an entanglement because the ego inflates and the feeling is – I am innocent and not to be blamed, I am a victim. This feeling of victimhood remains in the system and chances are someone else will take upon it to process. Hence, the need is to accept the situation that led to your victimhood as it is and the perpetrator too as it is. Only then can be a shift in the system and one can restore the balance. The next time you feel like a victim, accept it and then let go off it with love and grace. Instead of getting into the whole drama of I am great and I can forgive, accept things the way they are. There are higher energies of the system at work and their main objective is to strike a balance in the system.
So, let us stand in acceptance of our family system as it is!!!!